Scapegoating
Scapegoating is one of the weapons commonly used by narcissists. Protecting yourself from this can be challenging as a narcissist usually has a vested personal gain in manipulating and exploiting others. I spent years being scapegoated and know how the rough end of this feels. From reflecting on what happened to me and looking at the lesson I learned, I have produced a list of things to help. I fell into the trap of some of the manipulations and I guarantee that using the strategies below definitely protected me from the narcissist in my life. Here are some useful tips to help protect you and prevent this from happening to you.
Educate Yourself about Narcissism: The more you learn and understand about narcissism and the traits, the easier it will be for you to recognise one in your life.
Boundaries: Be assertive and set firm boundaries. Make sure you are clear when you communicate this. Manipulative narcissists will attempt to push these boundaries, so remain firm and strong. Don’t allow them to change your boundaries.
Remain calm: Stay calm in your interactions with a narcissist. Don’t get drawn into their emotional games and cause conflict and stress. Narcissists thrive on emotional reactions, so if you do not react emotionally it won’t give them any oxygen.
Keep records. Always keep a record of every interaction with a narcissist especially if there is an argument or conflict. Write a journal of conversations, and any other evidence such as emails and texts.
Disconnect: Don’t take any of their manipulations on board,any sarcasm or criticism don’t take personally. Take the emotion out of their words and actions and recognise that this is just a typical behaviour for a narcissist. It has nothing to do with you. It’s about them.
Limit Contact: Whenever and wherever possible keep your interactions with a narcissist to a minimum. Don’t talk emotionally. Be brief and just talk about bullet points. If it comes to it, cut off all contact . This means from every source including social media, texts, emails as well as physical contact. If necessary do the same with any friends the narcissist uses to attempt to manipulate you.
Don’t share your personal stuff: Avoid the charms of a narcissist and don’t share personal information. Disclosed secrets and data can be used against you as one of their weapons at a later date.
Support and networks: Talk only to trusted friends and family and get support from a counsellor or therapist. Make new friends away from the narcissist sphere of influence. Build a network of people who support you and validate your character. This can help you if the narcissist makes false accusations.
Understand your legal position: Police and lawyers can help you to know your rights especially if the narcissist’s behaviour is abusive
Don’t engage in power struggles: Narcissists like to be in control of everyone. Whenever possible avoid getting involved in these games. Step away and think carefully before engaging. Pick your battles carefully.
Promote self love and care: Maintain and promote your self care and this will help you with your mental and emotional health. This will build your resilience and self worth, to help protect yourself.
Trust your gut: Very often you will recognise that something isn’t quite right or not true. Your gut or your instinct will kick in and although you may not know what is wrong, be wary and trust your instinct.
Scapegoating is very challenging and can be very damaging to your mental health and well-being. I hope that by using theses strategies you will reduce your vulnerability to such toxic behaviours and help you maintain your self esteem and self worth.